the Rock Report

… they just change the song to fit their age. Oh, the originals were fab … gear … cool … outtasight.
Ahhhh, but now we old hippies use Fab for our laundry … we got the gear, but forgot how to shift it … in this heat, we depend on a/c to keep us cool … and — well, some things are, er, “outtasight” now. For us (and to suit our “advanced” ages), recent remakes of our fave songs would include:

Herman’s Hermits “Mrs. Brown You’ve Got a Lovely Walker”

The Rolling Stones “You Can’t Always Pee When You Want”

Creedence Clearwater Revival “Bad Prune Rising” (or Bad Prune, Raisin)

Gladys Knight “I Heard It Through the Grape Nuts”

The Who “Talkin’ ‘Bout My Medication”

The Troggs “Bald Thing”

The Bee Gees “How Can You Mend a Broken Hip”

Roberta Flack “The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face”

Johnny Nash “I Can’t See Clearly Now”

The Temptations “Papa Got a Kidney Stone”

James Brown “Papa’s Got A Brand New Ostomy Bag”

ABBA “Denture Queen”

Leo Sayer “You Make Me Feel Like Napping”

Commodores “Once, Twice, Three Trips to the Bathroom”

Procol Harum “A Whiter Shade of Hair”

Joe Cocker “I Get By with a Little Help From Depends”

The Byrds “Mr. Absorbine Man”

Arlo Guthrie “Cialis’ Restaurant”

Now ya see why most of us just wanna stay home at night these days? (Oh … how about sending in yours? Just leave ‘em as a post reply, okay?? Or email me if you’re a bit shy …

Listen … before I get to the relicommendation this week, lemme do a quick rev on the “don’t snitch” crap that’s being spread: If YOU know of anyone who believes that BS, ask ‘em this: If you … yeah, you! … had known that “Cho” character was gonna gun down thirty-two of your friends at a certain time, would YOU have reported it? Would YOU have ’snitched’?
Damned RIGHT you woulda!
Snitching … do it if ya haveta! Do it for those you love …

HOME IS WHERE YA HANG YER …

WHAAAAAAAT?!?!? You don’t HAVE a place to hang your hat?? Nothing to put your feet up on while watchin’ your favorite shows? Geez …
Bubby, you need smart-lookin’ home furniture to de-doggify your digs and do some drab-free and determined decorating! Check out the selection behind that red link you just saw … and turn your place into an ambient wonder! You’ll be glad ya did!

Well, that’s it for now! Until next session, remember to keep your eyes on the skies, your feet on the ground, your ears to the radio … and I’ll see ya on the flip side!!
RIP Tommy Newsom. You were one of the nicest guys Johnny … in fact, music … ever had.

It was one of those fun songs of 1967 … one that had a great rhythm, accented by a riveting backbeat and lyrics you just hadta sing to!

Come On Down (To My Boat) by Every Mother’s Son was an instant hit, and a great repreive from the anti-war blues that had everybody down. Singers/creators Dennis and Larry Darden (two guys that had started as a folk duo. Larry later on joined Rick Nelson’s Stone Canyon Band [Garden Party]), pianist Bruce Milner, drummer Chris Augustine and bassist Sky Larsen not only created a near perfect summer song (many of us still remember the lyrics), but stirred a bit of controversy with the hit.

Y’see, the song dealt with a guy trying to get his girl down on his boat … to … ummmm, for … ANYwayyyy, it was considered, at the time, a bit of sexual innuendo.

Still, the song was an instant hit … and, today, I dare ya to find an oldies station without the song on its permanent playlist!

SPEAKING OF BOATS

This is definitely the time to grab yer cooler, a companion — heck, maybe even the dog — and go boating! Of course, if you’re goin’, you’re gonna need the best gear — and that’s where clickin’ the above link comes into play! If ya wanna play in the water, and want ‘em to “Come On Down To Your Boat,” make sure you’ve got it in “ship-shape” (hey … they’ve even got top-rate fishing gear!).

Now … that being said, keep your eyes to the skies, your feet on the ground, your ear to the radio and … I’ll see ya on the flip side!

The Who. Led Zeppelin. Eric Clapton. The Fratellis. Phil Spector. Mike Roberts … they all have one thing that links them together: A three-man group from the Soho district of London, The Pirates. Though they weren’t Top 40 here in the US — even during their heyday, when the late Johnny Kidd (Frederick Heath) fronted them — they directly influenced Pete Townsend, Jimmy Page and Eric Clapton (one listen to the Pirates’ 1977 Saturday Night Shootout will prove the latter perfectly! Or just ask Eric himself about the super-Fenderbender Mick Green). Their influence on the fantastic new Scottish trio, The Fratellis, is obvious (for reference, listen to the Pirates’ 1964 hit Casting My Spell). Phil “It-Was-An-Accident” Spector? Nobody can make a “Wall of Sound” like him in the studio … but Mick, Frank Farley and Johnny Spence created one onstage that was amazing!
Now, Mike Roberts is the young lad who’s replaced Frank on drums recently. Farley, having had a heart attack, was forced to retire from the group. (Have ya caught on yet? Yup … these guys, who were pioneers of self-composed blues/rock and actually preceded the Stones by a year, are still drawing great crowds — and revues — with their performances throughout England and Europe!)
Their new compilation CD, The Pirates: Shakin’ At the Beeb, is due out next month. Recorded at the BBC, it’s a tribute to the real rockers of the revolution! GET it!!

IF THREATENED WITH A FIGHT TO THE FURNISH …

… then I’d highly recommend Powell furniture to spruce up your pad or office. They’ve got some great designs, are sturdy as all get-out, and are also in the right price range! You’ll definitely be satisfied … y’see, I have some of their furnishings myself (actually, a couple of very comfortable chairs!), so I know what I’m talkin’ about!

Well, that’s it for this session. Until next edition, keep your eyes to the skies, your feet on the ground, your ears to the radio, and I’ll see ya on the flip side!

Brothers and Sisters, Motown lives again!
Okay … maybe not the Motown, per se; but, if ya dig the classic soul and funk of Otis, Wilson, Aretha and other giants, you’ve gotta tune in to Ryan Shaw!

This 26-year-old from Decatur, Georgia brings back the passion of the Soul Era’s golden age amd sets it up for a new generation. According to Bonaroo.com, “His One Haven/Columbia debut album, This Is Ryan Shaw, combines a powerfully expressive voice with a clutch of great songs both classic and new — and a state-of-the-art, in-your-face sound that makes it impossible to sit still.”
Having heard Shaw’s CD, I can testify that you’ll quickly become a fan of this young wailer! Keep an eye on this guy … with Mary J turning more to the soul line, and Dreamgirls opening a whole new generation’s eyes to the phenomenon, he’s bound for stardom!

Man, Mr. Brown has gotta be smilin’ down on him …

WATCH THE ‘SCRIPTS!

One of the biggest problems in this country is prescription drug addiction. Though nobody wants to admit it, we all know it happens … even to the best of us. But, if ya click on the link above, you’ll find that help is out there … with dedicated and caring counselors to help you every step of the way! You’ll be pleasantly surprised at all they can do to help you … not only to tackle the problem safely, but also to maintain your self-esteem! Don’t wait … and if you don’t have a problem with it, how about sharing the link with someone who does? They’ll thank ya for it!

Well, that’s it for this session. Until next time, keep your eyes on the skies, your feet on the ground, your ears to the radio … and I’ll see ya on the flip side!

As some of you know, Sir Paul McCartney has a new CD coming out in June, and the buzz is that it’s gonna be his best yet.
But the big news is that the first release scheduled from Memory Almost Full, entitled PIZZA AND FAIRYTALES, is inspired by a bitter feud with JOHN LENNON, who told his former bandmate that his music lacked depth. John and Paul had a nasty argument in the mid-Seventies, when Lennon said McCartney’s music was all ‘pizza and fairytales’. But MacCa’s put the insult to good use and is using the barb as title of the first scheduled release from the new album. An insider told the British newspaper Daily Express that “Paul has spoken about John having a real go at him over the telephone, telling him his music lacked depth and meaning. John famously told Paul his music was all ‘pizza and fairytales’, and the insult stuck. He has always joked it could make a good song or album title and now he has finally put it to use.”
Also, look for Memory Almost Full to give homage to Paul’s late wife, Linda.

HANGING UP ON HANGOVERS

Ever wake up after a night of celebrating and wonder who in the Blessed Name of Sanity ever created hangovers?? Yeah, they’re sorta like nature’s practical joke after a fun night out! And, until now, there hasn’t seemed to be a cure for these postdrink headbangers.
But, my friends, help is definitely on the way with these proven-successful hangover cures. If you’re one of those who think aspirin’s the cure, you’re wrong; it only masks the effects — it doesn’t cure the big H. Just click onto the link above, and then try them for yourself! You’ll be amazed at what they can do … and at the results!

Well, that’s it for this session. Until next time, keep your eyes on the skies, your feet on the ground, your ear to the radio … and I’ll see ya on the flip side!

It’s a question that rock pundits are beginning to ask … are the Rolling Stones ready to crumble?? These guys (well, two of ‘em, anyway) have been on the scene since the earliest John Mayall days (about ‘62), when Dick Taylor (later of The Pretty Things) was in the group. After Brian was evicted and later (tragically) died, Mick Taylor joined, left, and was replaced by Ron. Then Bill put down his bass for the last time, was replaced by (fill-in-the-blank) … and they all got older, crabbier, and a bit out-of-sync. And now their new CDs (few and far between) are only grabbing a fraction of the audience they once had.
Although their live shows are still on top of the money charts, the quality has gone downhill, all told.
Now, I said that to say this:
When ya look at the later-’70s, you’ll find a performer who was in exactly the same position: still top-draw of live shows, CD sales only a fraction of what they were in his prime, live performance quality (voice, moves) gone downhill.
Of course, I’m talking Elvis. According to Col. Tom Parker (Presley’s manager, who had already signed Rick Nelson), he knew Elvis thrived on performing; with a solid fan base, he was bound to make money (meaning, more cash in the Colonel’s pockets). So, though he didn’t sound or look as well as he did in this heyday, he figured to let him “play out”. As long as he could rake in the bucks, he didn’t care. He knew Presley’s best days were over …
So does the management … or do the Stones themselves realize this applies to themselves, and keep going for that reason?
Now, it’s not to say they aren’t musical icons, treasures and influences. They are … in spades! But, unlike Sir Paul McCartney — another legend who, though a “senior citizen,” continues to make a major impact on three different musical and charity scenes — these guys seem to have lost their innovation, their creativity and their ability to diversify.
Maybe the Stones are beginning to crumble … they don’t have to, but their actions are beginning to mimic Presley’s last stage days …
Any comments?

TO MARKET, TO MARKET …

You know, those of us who are looking for a company to help market a product or service know how hard it can be to find a reputable one with a good home-run percentage. Well, the Eagle’s checked and re-checked and found the best market research you could ask for. Believe me, this company will cover every aspect of your marketing plan with you! Wanna find out more? Click the link above … ’cause they’re dedicated to your success!

Well, that’s it for this edition. Until next time, keep your eyes on the skies, your feet on the ground, your ears to the radio, your heart to the kids … and I’ll see ya on the flip side!

Tired of tribute, flashback and cover bands of the Sixties? Wanna hear rock-and-roll as it was meant to be?
Up to now, if we wanted to hear the “real deal,” we’d haveta search out the (relatively) few original bands that are still together … and hope that, forty years after-the-fact, they still sound like teens.
But, brother, that ain’t gonna work.
Now, there are a load of good groups on today’s circuit that sound dynamite — but they still kinda miss the true groove … the spirit … of rock.
Except this one.
OK Go is a four-man axe-kickin’ squad that not only performs the best original rock in the biz, but knows how to “bridge the gap” between yesterday’s super sounds and 2007! With Dave Davies-lookalike Damian Kulash fronting the group on vocals and guitar, “Professor” Tim Nordwind laying down some cool and solid bass, Dan Konopka handling a serious backbeat (and precision filler) on the drums and Andy Ross completing the ensemble on guitar and keyboards, these guys have all the right elements: balance, rhythm, backbeat, harmony, looks, stage presence — and great material!
The next step beyond them on the bridge is Nickelback. While they have the same elements and excitement of Go, they’re more aggressive in their sound. Hey — imagine having these two groups on the same bill! Sheesh … remember Shea Stadium? Beatles? It can happen again!

Just remember: NEVER doubt the power of TRUE rock-and-roll! It’s something that’ll never die out … as long as there’s a guitar to pick and an amp to plug it into … as long as kids know what 4/4 beat means … as long as Pearl makes drums … and as long as teens are restless … it’ll be here!

HAVING “DISNEY” SPELLS?

Well, here’s the best cure on the market! According to a whole lotta folks (including some this Bald Bird knows personally!), you need a good Disney vacation home. These rentals are everything the site says … and more (guaranteed!). Not only that, but they’re also a lot friendlier to your wallet than others!
Look … summer’s comin’ up … the kids are growing … c’mon: treat yourself for once! You’ll have a ball!

Well, that’s it. Until next session, remember to keep your eyes to the skies, your feet on the ground, your ears to the radio … remember the VTech students and families … and I’ll see ya on the flip side.

Okay … from some of the mail I’ve gotten, folks don’t quite buy the story I told about Elva Miller, the swingin’ senior singer from Sausalito (actually, from Claremont, but it didn’t fit into the saying …). Soooo, now ya got proof!
They called her the “Beatles butcher” after her horrendous rendering of “A Hard Day’s Night”, but also did a number (no pun intended) on Nancy Sinatra, Petula Clark, and others.
Though she was teethed on church choir music and didn’t really belong in the rock-music world, the little lady proved that, no matter how old you are — no matter what your previous resume might’ve had/not had — you can do anything you really want if you put your mind, heart, soul (and vocal cords) into it. Though she’s gone from us now, her music will live on …
kinda like taxes …
Still, the sweet lady was very real … and took the cheers and jeers with the same infectious smile!

LOGGIN’ ON TO LOGOS

Y’know, if you wanna be noticed these days, you gotta advertise! And the best advertisement is one that stays with the customer/client/agent/etc. for a long time … in fact, one that he/she’d see or use every day!
The way to do that?? Just click on logo pens and get ready to promote your personna in a personal and practical pattern! Not only do they offer great advertising, but each pen is a quality contruction job … you can rely on their writing! So, click the link, and get ready to click the pens that click your sales …

Well, that’s it for this session, gang. Until next time, keep your eyes on the skies, your feet on the ground, your ears on the radio … remember the families of the 4-16 VTech tragedy in your thoughts and prayers …
and I’ll see ya on the flip side.

It’s the title of a Rick Springfield song that seems to become more and more appropriate as we get older. But, man, I’ve run across an article that defines that to the letter! Read on …

Better yet, click on http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/6549333.stm for the word. A group of old ladi … er, senior citizens … have formed, of all things, a rock-and-roll group called The Zimmers (waitaminnit … lemme look again … y’know, th’ ol’ eyes ain’t what they usedta be …). Yep … and (get this!) they’ve done a “remake” (or should I say update?) of the Who’s My Generation; their lead singer is … 90-years-old!; their oldest member, I believe, is 99! And they’ve recorded it at the Beatles’ famous recording studio, Abbey Road.

Hmmmm … suddenly, I don’t feel so old anymore …

IT MAKES US THINK

In the aftermath of 4-16 comes a sobering thought: Although we pray that nothing like that (or any other tragedy) ever stares us in the face, would we or our families be financially ready for a worst-case-scenario outcome?
As hard as it is to think about (especially in light of the VT massacre), it’s an important and inescapable issue: We’ve gotta be covered with a good funeral insurance policy, just in case. Now, being a former (and pretty succesful) insurance agent (long before the dude sprouted his Eagle wings), I can tell you, firsthand, that this is vital — especially with costs skyrocketing around us!
So, if ya ain’t got it, get it! You never can tell … and ya don’t wanna leave your family in the clinches if it does happen, right?

Well, that’s it for this session. Until next time, keep your eyes to the skies, your feet on the ground, your ears to the radio, and REMEMBER 4-16! (see the TGAN&#8482 site for more …
and I’ll see ya on the flip side …

Listen … before we begin, let’s take a moment to reflect on what just happened down there in Blacksburg, VA, okay? The Relic’s got some primo friends and contacts smack dab in the middle of VT, and, while they’re okay, they’re obviously shaken up by the massacre that happened just two buildings down from them.
Obviously, this thing goes a lot deeper than some guy wasting 32 lives over a former girlfriend who came to her senses. It was mentioned on MSNBC a little earlier that it oughtta be mandatory for freshmen (of all schools) to have a course in identifying at-riskers. I’m all for it … but let’s get the teachers on the lookout too, huh? ‘Twould be a big help. In other words, “Let’s Work Together” to keep this tragedy from happening again …
For we lost part of our heart … our future … today.
Now … what say we go on?:

In the Sixties, a Joisey group came outta nowhere with pirate clothes, a great sound and some crazy antics … and nearly fell flat. If their A&R had been more on the ball, there’s no doubt that The Barbarians woulda been as big as, say, the Raiders or Brummels … maybe even The Byrds. But when their first hit was a strange ditty called Are You A Boy … Or Are You A Girl? (in reference to the Liverpudlian long-hair look of the time), you kinda thought (yes, I meant on guys!) they were largely “novelty.”
That is, until Moulty. The song was about the trials and ultimate victory of their drummer, “Moulty” Moulton …
who only had one hand!
They set the stage for other “handicapped” musicians and artists to take the stage and fulfill their ambitions. It was kinda like Moulty was saying, “Listen … don’t let this get you down! You can win over this!” It was as inspiring as you could imagine … and a great lesson, even for today (remember Def Leppard’s drummer? There are others: Randy Sparks, the Winter brothers, etc.).
They were regulars on the TAMI Show and played to sellout crowds … and, while Moulty’s an executive now, he’ll never forget those days! And we should never forget the lessons …

NOTHIN’ COULD BE FINER …

Bein’ from the great state of North Carolina (and having been from “Duck” to the “Outer Banks” more times than I’ve tied my shoes), I can tell ya that some of the most beautiful land on the Eastern Seaboard is Beaufort NC real estate. The town (unh-UNH … it’s pronounced “BO-furt”, if you wanna get along with us Tarheels!) is situated on the Crystal Coast (the most beautiful beaches in the East!) and still maintains the beauty that it’s had since founded back in the early 18th Century. The folks there are friendly, too! What more couldja ask for?

Well, that’s it for now. Until next go-’round, keep your eyes on the skies, your feet on the ground, your ears to the radio …
and please keep those kids at VT in your thoughts and prayers, okay? They really need it at this time …
and me?? I’ll see ya on the flip side …