the Rock Report

One of the most understated hitmakers of the late Sixties was a group that really wasn’t … at least in the rock world (gee … from the pic on your left, can ya guess who I’m talkin’ about?).

Y’see, The Archies (Archie, Reggie, Jughead, Veronica and Betty) were already famous cartoon characters. But, on the heels of the prefab success of The “Monkees”, the powers-that-be decided to bring the comic high-schoolers together in their own “rock group.” No need for gig dates: The show would do as their venue.

Natch, a musical group needs … music, so, with guitarist Hugh McCracken, bassists Chuck Rainey and Joey Macho, keyboard player Ron Frangipane, drummers Buddy Saltzman and Gary Chester, a couple of alternating female singers and the inimitable voice of Ron Dante (he of later Cuff Links fame; also Barry Manilow’s producer), the Archies were given a sound that was pure “bubble-gum.”

Their first records were really designed as cardboard “punch-outs” on the back of cereal boxes … but, as time progressed and the “quintet’s” popularity started to grow, the cardboard gave way to the real thing.

The Archies’ most popular hit, of course, was Sugar, Sugar, written by Jeff Barry and (”Rock Me Slowly,” “Baby, I Love You”, etc.) Andy Kim. Originally composed for the Monkees as a complement to their earlier hit I’m A Believer, the song was Archiesized when the PreFabs turned it down.

It’s hard to say when they “broke up,” what the members of the Archies are doing now, or if they have any plans for a reunion concert (imagine The Archies at Altamont! WOW!!). But they had a great musical run didn’t they??

HOME IS WHERE THE HEART IS …

and, believe me, nobody can put you in a more beautiful, heartwarming and luxury home than the folks at GMAC Real Estate! They have some of the most beautiful residences for sale, and with terms and prices that’ll suit you to a tee!
Hey … the Relic knows; he’s used their services before — and I can promise that they’ll go that “extra mile” to help you find the best luxury home … and at the best price!
So, go on and click that link today!

Well, that’s it for this edition, rockaholics. Until next time, remember to click on that GMAC link and:
Keep your eyes on the skies, your feet on the ground, your heart with the music, and I’ll see ya on the flip side!

Man, it has been a lonnnnnnnnng, hot summer …

Fortunately, when God created this time of year, He also created vacation spots … full of sun, fun, skeeters and more than a few memories! Of course, rock-n-roll and summer vacations always go hand-in-hand in the seaside sands.

I ‘member the days of yore when I was just a Rarity (ie: not-quite-Relic), and my folks and sibs rolled to the coast of NC for a week of surf-and-turf.
The summer hit was Save Your Heart for Me by Gary Lewis & The Playboys … a funky thing for me, ’cause, just a coupla weeks before, my girlfriend Trudy (yep! She who dumped a bottle of perfume on my head and coat just before school pix. That Trudy!) and I broke up. The song made me feel rotten, and, for some reason, the pre-Relic brain countered with the Beatles’ Help! … until a girl in an IBTWYPDB (Itsy, Bitsy … got the rest of the initials?) in the rental next-door played Freddy “Boom-Boom” Cannon’s New Orleans and started to talk with me!

Ahhhhh, love! But “She was ONLY SIXTEEN …”

Wait a minnit … I was only fifteen. It was legal…

We had so much fun, playing in the surf (I swear … just playing! Nothing more. Really!) Nonetheless, about a week later, she had to head back to Tennessee with her mom and sisters. Somehow, it just wasn’t right.

A year later, my group had started taking off locally, and we were working on a cover of Time Won’t Let Me by the Cleveland, Ohio-based group, The Outsiders (with Sonny Geraci). When school finally released us, the H-crew went back to the Tarheel coastline. I wrote my first published song there that year (yep! Heard by at least three … and my dog …), and had a blast on the boardwalk (hadta go back there and clean it up when the arcade manager caught me!).
Still, it was rockin’ … and the memories always last …

The coolest thing about skimmin’ the surf in NC is that, bar-none, they’ve got the coolest beaches in the US of A. But, if ya really wanna find some territory to get the beach buzz, the best has gotta be the Outer Banks.
Natch, you’ll want the best in vacation rentals there, and the folks behind that link will find ya summer shelter in places like Corolla, Duck (Hey … it’s a real place! Been there a coupla times myself!), Kill Devil Hills (say “hey” to the best Relicousin while yer there, Lynn Hooks!), Kitty Hawk (remember the Wright brothers …), Nags Head (the most stately and beautiful lighthouse on the Eastern seaboard’s there!) and Southern Shores … and at prices that won’t hurt your wallet!

You’ll have the cleanest beaches, the clearest waters, the peace ya want for your hard-earned vacation … so, since summertime’s still on the burner, go for it and click the link today!

Well, that’s it for this edition … so, until next time, remember to go for the NC Coast (click that link!) and: Keep your eyes on the skies, your feet on the ground, your heart with the music … and I’ll see ya on the flip side!

Rockaholics, have you ever run across a rock-n-roll ditty that was so bad that, whenever you’d put it on the turntable, the stylus left the record of its own accord?
Okay, then … consider this a request test: What’s the worst rock song that you’ve ever heard? To getcha started, here are a few of the Relic’s non-faves:

IT’S NICE TO BE ALIVE by Kip and Ken (the “B” side of Trouble With A Woman). Geez … it just sounded goofy: “The way you look, the way you smell-mell-mell/ the way you make me feel so well-well-well …” It was like our parents wrote it and added some crappy vocals …

DECK OF CARDS by Wink Martindale. Now, Wink’s a fantastic announcer, but he had no business being in the recording studio! Noted by many polls as being “the worst rock record of all time.”

TURKEY TROT by Ian and the Zodiacs. This fab Liverpool group, who gave the world Livin’, Lovin’ Wreck and a cool version of Gershwin’s It Ain’t Necessarily So really screwed up with this old rag. The bridge was “Shoo, shoo, gobble-gobble-diddley”. Sheesh …

I’M CRYING by Paul Revere and the Raiders. A cover of the Animal’s first stateside hit, it sounded like a bunch of high-school kids in an amateur band, doing their first-ever rehearsal. The only saving grace was Mark Lindsay’s vocals …

DOWNTOWN by Mrs. Miller. Though she was considered a “novelty” act (she was an elderly woman who sounded like she should’ve been an alto in a church choir), this song actually made it into the Top 100! Still, she should’ve been “Nearer, My God, To Thee” and “Farther Away from Rock Music than ever”.

Any others out there? I’m lookin’ for “tunes” between the years of 1956 and 1969, mostly. Give me a shout-out if you’ve got one to get outta your head … and I’ll print ‘em here as fair warning to the rock world, okay??

TO LIVE AND DIET IN L.A. (or anywhere!) …

you need to find the best diet supplement for your body’s make and model. There are quite a few good ones out there … and, though the Relic doesn’t need them himself, he’s known of at least a dozen folks who swear by hydroxycut. Now, there are a load of sites out there who promise “results” from their pills or plans (if you’ve got an email address, chances are you’ve gotten tons of these), but they don’t deliver. Lemme tell ya: the folks behind that link up there really do come through with the right goods!
They’ll not only introduce you to the best products, but also give ya some of the best diet tips, provide some cool free trials for dieters, and more!
Their mission is to research the best plans to help you (or anyone) lose weight. And from what I’ve heard and seen, they are remarkably successful. So click on that link today, and start living a healthier you tomorrow!

Well, that’s it for another round here at RR&R. Until next time, remember to visit the weight-loss folks and:

Keep your eyes on the skies, your feet on the ground, your heart with the music … and I’ll see ya on the flip side!

Okay … listen up, faithful Rockaholics: I’ve just found a groovy gig for you cats who are lookin’ to warm up the Ricks again:

Y’see, 55-Alive! announced yesterday that entry forms for the 55-Alive! Battle of the Boomer Bands are now available on their website! It’s an online competition featuring musicians born before 1964 who’ll compete for prizes and (aaaah!) fame. You rockers who can still swing an axe or paradiddle on the Pearls can enter as solo artists or as a band.

Y’see, the Battle of the Boomer Bands is giving talented but mostly unknown boomerdudes the chance to get some recognition. Everyone who competes will get a profile on 55-Alive.com where their entry video will be featured and voted on by the web audience.

When ya fill out their entry form (see their site for more 411), you also need to upload a vid of you (or your group, or you and your group, or them) performing (wait … “Them” is already taken). You’ll find out (or is that are taken?!? Geez …) more by visitin’ the webby I just gave ya up there …

Remember, though: the deadline for entries is October 15, 2007. Need more info? Well, ya know where to go, right? (N-NO, I … I didn’t mean … THERE! I meant, ummmm … their website!)

So, good luck, rockers! Knock their socks off (er … in Miami — where, I understand, they don’t dig socks, just go for whatcha can, alright?). Who knows? Ya might just be the next “Arctic Monkeys” (hey … don’t laugh! Those cats became superhits thanks to a web video! If they can do it, so can you!)

PRIME-TIME TO BASK IN THE SUMMER SEASIDE SUN

And what better place to do it than on the North Carolina coast? The Relic’s spent many summers bakin’ there, and kinda drooled over the possibility of movin’ to the sunny shores! And listen … the folks offering the sweetest spots in Wilmington NC real estate can make that a reality for you! Between the many beaches, some cool islands, super fishin’ spots and some of the friendliest and most helpful folks you could ever have as realtors, how couldja go wrong? So, if you’re really lookin’ for the best and most tranquil spot to hang your hat, be sure to click that link and give ‘em a visit, okay?

Well, that’s it for this edition. Remember the realtor, the Battle of the Bands, and, above all, to Keep your eyes on the skies, your feet on the ground and your heart with the music,
That being said, I’ll see ya on the flip side.

Rockaholics, I’ve gotta take a break in the action to bring a few updates on the situation in and around Darfur. We’ll get back to the rock in the next blog, okay?:

There are a coupla pieces of good news comin’ outta the region:

• The BBC has reported that numerous, untapped water pockets have been found in Darfur! That means, at least potentially, that thousands of starving citizens will have at least the life-giving liquid necessary to keep them alive! As I write this, various wells are already being dug to access this, on behalf of the people!
• The UN Secretary General has just stated that he’s pushing the org’s members toward multinational assistance for the innocent victims of, as well as toward resolution of, the fighting. Now … if we can just get Bush to agree …

There’s also a petition you can sign (what is it with the Relic and his petitions?? Trust me, Relicites: This is for a vital cause …) that will be sent to our Presidential candidates, urging them to end support for any business trading with Sudan! Read more about it here and then sign the petition today! (incidentally, didja notice who took the photo on the site’s top banner? No, I ain’t gonna tell ya; you gotta click that link to see it!)

One more thing: If ya go here, you’ll see one of the Relic’s articles about the subject. On the Associated Content widget to your right, you’ll see another article, with comments from readers.

NEEDIN’ A BREATH OF FRESH AIR

Hey, listen … this is the season that wreaks pure havoc on asthma sufferers, severe allergics and more. And, believe me, those things can be killers if ya don’t have the tools necessary to keep going! From nebulizer (which produces a fine spray to help a sufferer breathe better) to pulse oximeter (which shows blood-oxygen levels), these have to be dependable as well as affordable! And the folks at Ultranebs can provide the best of both!
Now, the Relic knows their worth first-hand, having once dated the mom of a 7-year-old who used their product! So, believe the man, they definitely come through for ya … pure, needed quality all the way! So give that link up there a “click” today — and start enjoying life again (incidentally, this is also a perfect spot to recommend to a friend or family member who’s suffering from asthma or severe allergies)!

Well, that’s all the 411 I have at the moment. We’ll resume the rock in our next post, so remember Darfur as well as to:

Keep your eyes on the skies, your feet on the ground, your heart with the music … and I’ll see ya on the flip side!

Awright … in case you’ve been under a rock (ummmm … small “r”, thank you!), ya know I’m talkin’ about the Troubador of Teendom, Roller of the Rock (large “R” here!), Captain of Cool, the legendary … Chubby Checker.

(and the readers go “WHAAAA …?!?”)

C’mon … ya know I’m kiddin’! There’s only one dude who fits the bill, and that’s LLoyd Thaxton! Now, though I’ve written about The Man before, there’s somethin’ I’ve been thinkin’ about (yeah, I’ve been known to do that every once-in-awhile):

Y’know, when LLoyd came outta the sound booth to put together his show, he actually put a face on the grooviness of rock. Before that, we pretty much dug the 4/4s and danced — but the feel of it all was still locked inside: For the most part, our folks still didn’t approve of it and, quite frankly, we didn’t know how to let the electricity flow to our outer core! He showed us that we could have fun when we let the music into our everyday lives … and we could do it cleanly!
But was he satisfied with doin’ just that?? NooooOOOOOooo! He hadta go on, post-LTS, and give the nets some of that same pump-up-the-endorphin feel. From some amazing — and occasionally wacky — pieces on the Today Show to his work on Talk Back!, he brought LIFE into living rooms all across America!
Then The Man decided to co-author a book called STUFF HAPPENS (and then you fix it) with John Alston. It’s a dynamic write with 9 Reality Rules that’ll help anyone with “issues” get back on track. But, of course, it’s the Thaxman that cometh with the ability to relate in an upbeat, live-wire fashion that makes the reader wanna read it againandagainand(getthepicture?).

In other words, what Lloyd was to Rock, he was to television, is to the ones who read his book, and definitely continues to be in public appearances, his blog (see above link), and with friends and family.

He’s what our Generation needed, and the legend lives on to show us there’s LIFE out there, and all we gotta do is LIVE it with the positive, no-holds-barred confidence we had back then! I’m proud to say that he’s the one who influenced the Relic’s tagline (or “signature” or whatever), because he lives it!

Him and ten little “finger people” who are constantly lookin’ for their next gig.

GRABBIN’ THE ZZZZ’s IN STYLE

Whenever the Relic’s out on the road, whether he’s headin’ for a concert, an interview or just scoping out other areas of the U. S. of A., he digs stayin’ at a really cozy Bed and Breakfast. And the folks behind that link can hook you up with some of the finest! The B&Bs are a lot more personal than standard hotels and such; they’re kinda like a stayover at a good friend’s place for a coupla days or so. Now, the folks at I Love Inns can help ya find the best of the bunch — including the romantic, historical ones, and even ones that offer a cooking school! When ya see the list of top destinations, you’ll also notice “staff recommendations”; these are almost hand-picked for their comfort and quaintness! No one else is gonna even come close to their services — I gawr-ahn-tee! So click the link above and get ready for a few days of paradise!

Well, that’s it for this edition. Until next time, remember: Keep your eyes on the skies, your feet on the ground and your heart with the music, and I’ll see ya on the flip side …

Without a doubt, one of the most recognizable voices in rock history (as well as prolific entertainers) belongs to the great Righteous Brother, Bill Medley. While we’ll always miss the tenor “blue-eyed soul” of his partner, Bobby Hatfield, it’s encouraging to know that Bill is still performing (mostly at Branson, Mo., but with other venues — including a cruise coming up in January).
Wait … did I say “performing”? Naaaah … make that “wowing audiences” wherever he performs!

Bill is a true “living legend” of Rock-and-Soul. He’s not only one of the best baritones (some call him “bass”, but he does have a better vocal range than most low-noters), but one of the best writers in the biz. The Brothers’ big hit, Little Latin Lupe Lu — which combines serious rock vocals with a salsa rhythm in the chorus — was his first self-composed number to chart.
He and Jennifer Warnes worked on the Dirty Dancing hit, “(I’ve Had) The Time of My Life”, which utilized a Latino beat behind the lyrics.
To sitcom viewers of the late 1980’s, his is the voice behind the opening theme to Just The Ten Of Us, starring Bill Kirschenbauer, Deborah Harmon and The Unit’s Dennis Haysbert.
In the early 1990s, he and Bobby got together again for a redux of their Greatest Hits LP — including a new version of Rock and Roll Heaven, which paid tribute to John Lennon and others who’d passed since the original was released.

Remarried (his first wife passed away in 1976), Bill also has the pleasure of dueting with his daughter, McKenna, who has a show in Las Vegas. One of the most humble, honest and soft-spoken performers on the circuit, this legend is one whom you won’t wanna miss, wherever he’s playing!

WHO SAYS BLINDS & HUMIDITY DON’T MIX??

Y’know, the Relic’s totally sold on those cool-lookin’, easy-to-clean wood blinds (they kinda give ya the feelin’ you’re really in a cool place!). But, dude, the HUMIDITY this country’s been havin’ during this recent heat-wave can really do a number on ‘em!
At least, until now! Y’see, there’s a company that offers the best in those classy-looking blinds … but they’re completely washable and (get this!) not affected by the humidity!! If ya take a few minutes to check out these neat faux wood blinds, you’re gonna see the difference! These folks’ll even help ya find the ones that’ll save you the most energy (man, is that the keyword these days!) … and you’ll even get a shot at getting some free samples!
So, c’mon … before the H&H (heat and humidity) getcha down. Check ‘em out … and place your order now!

Well, that’s it for this edition of RR&R. Until next time, remember: Keep your eyes on the skies, your feet on the ground, your heart with the music … and I’ll see ya on the flip side!

Y’know, for centuries now, the Relic’s been tellin’ folks about how the “PreFab Four” (ie, Davy, Micky, Peter and Mike) changed the face of Rock-and-Roll (for that matter, music in general! Read on …).
Okay, suuuuuuuuure they were hand-picked for their TV Monkeeshines. And, though the music was cool and the vids cooler, what they actually accomplished oughtta put ‘em smack dab right in the middle of Rock’s Hall of Fame. In fact, there’s a petition you can sign to help ‘em get that honor (sheesh! They’ve only been on the Hall’s ‘list of nominees’ for five years or more! Why haven’t they been abduct … er, inducted yet?)

C’mon … if you’re a real rock-n-rollin’ relic (hey … just once I’d like to hear Elmer Fudd say that!), you know they: broke with the music Establishment over performing their own music … and won!; were among the first three in the world to get the Moog Synthesizer (grandaddy of the computerized keyboard). They used it on the LP cut, Daily, Nightly; introduced the psyche-rock of Jimi Hendrix to America (some say they ended their headliner days due to that); financed Three Dog Night, who spread “Joy To The World”; Pete introduced the banjo to rock in the lead cut from Headquarters, a Nesmith-written You Told Me; Mike elaborated on the concept the group used for TV vids and created MTV!

So tell me they don’t belong in the Hallowed Halls of Hop, and I’ll say ya don’t know rock! SIGN THE PETITION TODAY, and let’s give ‘em the props they deserve, huh?

RELIC CALLIN’ …

With so much rock to cover, and so little time, the Relic depends on his SuperCell to keep in touch with the who’s and what’s of the music world. Natch, that can cost big-time dineros, sooooooo …
I’ve found a company that’ll save me big time … up to 90%! … on those calls to Jolly Olde, Germany or any foreign country! And they don’t have any of those “hidden” fees and other little “surprises” the competition might have (hey … I’ve been a victim of those! It happens!).
And get this: if ya sign up now for cheap international calls, you’ll get up to four hours of international service … free! Remember … nothing “hidden,” okay?? These folks are upfront and definitely word-worthy!
Now, let the Relic get serious about this: We all know someone who’s got a friend/family member/whoever in the sands of the Mideast … and no one knows how much a call from you can mean to them! Here’s the chance to phone ‘em and save money in the process, folks! Those two little factoids should be plenty of reason to sign up with Pingo!
So when the high cost of calling won’t leave ya alone, just remember to let go and GO PINGO! You’re gonna be very glad ya did!
Well, that’s it for this go-’round. Until next time, remember to sign the petition, and keep your eyes on the skies, your feet on the ground, your heart with the music, and I’ll see ya on the flip side!

What happened today was kinda weird, actually:

I was digestin’ my local “oldies” station this AM while working and stumbled on an early slow-dancer by Bobby Vinton called Tell Me Why. A cool song, lotsta melody, a 10 to hug yer lady close with (brought back memories of left-foot Relic at an old sock hop) …

but then …

I took a breather and hit the local Grab’n Go for a bite to eat. From their pretaped airwaves (i.e., their “piped-in” music) came the unmistakable sounds of The Beatles, doing a song from their Hard Day’s Night LP, called … Tell Me Why! The song has a super beat, the great Lennon rhythm, and some outtasite harmony! It wasn’t a top-tenner, but half the class of ol’ South High was dancin’ to it, while the other half was in groups, trying to copy it!

THEN …

I got back to the pad, where the fine feline of frivolity, K-Cat, had uncovered a collection of 45s I had brought out earlier to cry … er, reminisce … over. At the top of the heap (btw, none broken!) was the King himself, Elvis Presley, and one of his “B-siders” called Blue River. A catchy tune, to be sure … but nothin’ like the “A” side … which was a song called … Tell Me Why! Now, this TMW had a little moxie to it. Not only did Presley scarf an old Baptist hymn for the tune (Just A Closer Walk With Thee), but he made it sound downright serious! I mean, you can feel the dude pleadin’ with his girl, wantin’ to know why he’s still in love with her though she left him! Personally, I think it’s one of Presley’s best …

Annnnnnnnnd …

Then, in doin’ a piece on Sal Valentino (boss of the Brummels), I ran across their near-hit, (Please) Tell Me Why. Not a chart-topper, but tight … at least they said “Please” …

Reckon that’s the musical question?? Mebbe we oughtta follow it up with Adam Faith’s I Just Don’t Know or Herman’s Hermits I Know Why. After all, every question deserves an answer.
(sigh) But it hadta take a Relic to have a run of luck like that. Like Dickie Lee sang in “Laurie”, Strange things happen in this world.

PUTTIN’ IT ON THE TABLE

Hey … do ya dig poker? It’s the craze spreadin’ ’round the country like wildfire! Why, even on television, they’ve got these “Texas Hold’em” shows! Now, ya need a really good place to play it … and the folks who carry the best in poker tables are found right behind that link! They’ve got leather club chairs and even slipover dining tops to convert the tables into a cool place to chow down! And they’re always on sale, so ya get the best prices anywhere!
Now, if straight poker’s not your bag, they’ve also got beautiful bridge and Hold ‘Em tables! Each one is crafted professionally and will last for many enjoyable hands. So give the link a solid “click,” then, once you’ve made your selection, go on and order a set (you’ll save even more that way!).
Then get ready for some quality enjoyment!

Well, that’s it for this edition of RR&R. Til next time, remember: Keep your eyes to the skies, your feet on the ground, your heart with the music, and I’ll see ya on the flip side!

Naaaah, man … this ain’t Zeppelin! But it’s one helluva tribute act … and, having heard this Wilmington, NC-based band, ZOSO, I can tell ya that the LZ force is with ‘em”!
But, it brought a healthy ? to your friendly, neighborhood, always-inquisitive Relic: What, exactly, IS a “ZOSO”?
To answer that, we gotta look at this:

Recognize it? Yup … from Zeppelin’s fourth album (called “Untitled” by the “uninitiated”), they’re the four symbols picked by Robert, Jimmy, John and Bonzo to replace the LZ moniker on the LP. Here’s what they mean:

• Robert’s was the feather of Ma’at, the goddess of justice and fairness; it’s also the symbol of a writer.
• John’s represents someone who’s confident and competent.
• Bonham’s meant … well, nothing; he just liked it.
• And the ZOSO symbol was Page’s. It meant (loosely defined) a near-death experience that unlocked the secrets of the universe.

No matter what it means, though, the 4th album is pure Led Zeppelin — a group that couldn’t make a bad record if they’d tried. The symbols they used might’ve embellished their personna, but, to millions of worldwide fans, it just didn’t matter. They knew what they were like, on album, 45 or live — and that was what mattered most.

IT’S ALL IN THE CARDS, MAN …

I know … every businessman, act, agent, or whoever uses those little rascals to introduce him/herself, right? But take it from the Relic — you haven’t begun to catch your client’s attention until you order these business cards (right .. ya gotta check out this fab link!).
See, they go the extra mile to give you the most unique and finest-quality cards anywhere! Each one will stand out in your prospect/client’s mind — and that’s where ya get the sale/job/whatever!! If ya wanna know how to get the most mileage from your cards, they even can help you with that! And, listen … you ain’t gonna believe the cool, wallet-friendly prices they’ve got for ya! In other words, it’s a genuine “one-stop shop” for the finest and coolest cards anywhere! Give ‘em a click … a spin … and your order … and prove it to yourself, okay? You won’t be disappointed, believe me!

Well, that’s it from postside for this edition. Until next time, remember: Keep your eyes on the skies, your feet on the ground, your heart with the music — and I’ll see ya on the flip side!