the Rock Report

From the ROCKdesk on October 29:

Country superstar Porter Wagoner, who not only introduced his genre to television on a weekly basis but also a lively young blonde warbler named Dolly Parton to national audiences, passed away on Sunday in a Nashville hospice for the terminally ill.  Wagoner, 80, suffered from lung cancer.

In a stadium in Shillong, India, on Friday, 1,730 guitarists played Dylan’s “Knockin’ On Heaven’s Door”, making it the largest guitar ensemble of all-time (the previous record was when Deep Purple’s Smoke On The Water was played by 1,721 guitarists in Kansas City last year! You know there hadta be at least one old man leaning out his window yelling, “STOP THAT INFERNAL RACKET!”) One more is planned for this week in London, and it’s aiming to top that record.

And  Donovan Leitch (”Mellow Yellow”) announced plans on Friday to form a new school in Glasgow, called “The Invincible Donovan University”.  The school’s aim is to ”create invincibility in national consciousness” through transcendental meditation.  He’s got some big-name backers for this project, including film director David Lynch and quantum physicist John Hagelin (incidentally, look at the picture; is it just me, or does anyone else thinks he’s starting to look like Regis Philbin?)

On the side: Many thanks to local band McGruff for letting me sit in on their jam and the Iron Man cover — albeit on the drums! (Yeah, I’ve played them, too, for a couple of decades!) THIS IS TRUE: Know what some drummers use to get a better grip on their sticks? It’s called Gorilla Snot! (I swear … it’s the truth!)

PROMOTIONS ARE THE KEY!

There’s an old saying that, wherever you are, you’re always promoting yourself. Of course, that’s a necessity when you’re in a business that requires name-recognition.
Now, in adverting yourself or your biz, one of the time-tested, most personal and inexpensive ways to get the name out is by giving out pens! Y’see, no matter who you are, you’re gonna need one of those rascals if you’re going to put your John Hancock on anything!
Okay — imagine someone going for their pen to sign, let’s say, a card or check or something. The first thing they would see could be your name, business, favorite team, or maybe a quote or whatever. Now, after awhile, that sticks in their mind (repetition of promotion is a major factor!). See how it works? Then they tell their friends and associates, and it trickles on up and down their network!
The best pens I’ve found are from the fine folks at PensRUs. They not only have the finest assortment of name-brand pens, but they do the most excellent job of putting your moniker, business, etc. on the ones of your choice.
They look as good as they write! And, with fast service, great prices — even free samples! — how could you go wrong? So get your name OUT there by clicking on the biz that produces the best promotional pens anywhere! Just click that link … and get ready to be noticed!

Well, that’s it for this edition. Until next time, remember: Keep your eyes on the skies, your feet on the ground, your heart with the music … and I’ll see ya on the flip side …

A couple of days ago, while trying to knock the bejabbers outta this flug I’ve had (”flug” (n.) composite word comprised of “flu” and “bug”. Spoken by lazy writers), I took in the superb Tom Hanks classic, Forrest Gump. This story, about a young man’s escapades through life, has … awwww, you’ve seen it a dozen times yourself, right? So why explain it?

Anyway, his style of speech is one that’s mimicked throughout America — but the real thing in my old neck-of-the-woods of Pineville, NC (I mean, before the “fancy-pants” started invading the territory a coupla decades ago)! So, while writing the amazingly-talented Hope Nance (aka The Backseat Gourmet), I started cutting up a bit, phonetically. Somehow, the brogue can be easily and comfortably written. We considered calling it “Bubbatalk,” then remembered that, in the movie, Bubba died.

Then Hope came up with a word that oughtta be a permanent word in the dictionary: She called it … GUMPHONICS!

So lehhhhhhhhhts gidda GLY-ussss uh swate TAAAAAAAAAAY? An WAY kin drank uh libbit uv a TOOOOOOOE st ta theeeee-ussss newww wurd! Shay sher iz SMOTTTT!

Remember the word: GUMPHONICS!! It’s like “puttin’ Souf in yer mouf” on a daily basis. Makes ya feel goooooooooood!

RISIN’ TO THE OCCASION

With the advent of the plasma TV came the meticulous desire of every owner to keep it in the most pristine condition possible (translation: KEEP YER HANDS OFF THE SCREEN! DON’T SPILL ANYTHING ON IT!!).
And now they can get their wish. You see, there’s a company that provides what they call lifts that can keep your TV neat, clean … and also helps save valuable space! It’s courtesy an amazing place called ImportAdvantage, and, as you’ll see when you click the link I’m about to give you, they have some great console lifts … even those you can use at the foot of your bed!
Masters of the plug-and-play technology, their products are not only sure to please every plasma TV owner, but are affordable to anyone who owns these models of picture clarity and performance!
You’ve just gotta check out their site to see how you can benefit from a brand new plasma tv lift. They also have some very handsome plasma TV stands as well! So, give that link a click right now! Believe me, you’ll be glad you did!

This is a special update from the RockDesk.

Sadly, all things must pass …

The Relic has just learned of the death of Cyrkle vocalist/bassist Tom Dawes this past week of complications from heart surgery. He was 64. Dawes was the head of a group discovered by Beatles manager Brian Epstein and named by John Lennon. Their biggest hit, Red Rubber Ball, was co-written by Paul Simon, for whom Dawes had played bass. They were given the opportunity to record another song written by Simon, but turned it down for the appropriately-named Turn-Down Day. The song they refused? The 59th Street Bridge Song (Feelin’ Groovy).

We also mourn the loss of the legendary songbird, Teresa Brewer, who passed away on October 17 of a brain disorder. She was 76. Her “Music! Music! Music!” was her signature hit, but her most popular (and parodied) song was the immortal “Let Me Go, Lover”. The song was lampooned by Lucy Ricardo on I Love Lucy, and parodied by country artist Homer and Jethro in their 1964 “Let Me Go, Blubber.”

The Relic has learned that country legend Porter Wagoner is in the final stages of lung cancer (this according to his management).

Another legend is also suffering from a fatal illness. Legendary MOR crooner/actor Robert Goulet (My Love, Forgive Me) was hospitalized in L. A. on October 13 with interstitial pulmonary fibrosis, a rare but rapidly progressive and fatal lung ailment. He remains on a ventilator and requires a lung transplant.

On the “up” side of the news: The Relic has learned that negotiations are underway to have The Eagles perform during halftime at the 2008 Super Bowl. I’ll update you as soon as more information comes in …

And the Dave Clark Five, whose induction into last year’s Hall of Fame was pulled by the RRHOF heads, are in the running again this year. Sadly, if they win again, it’ll be without Denis Peyton (sax player, deceased) and Mike Smith (organist, disabled). Let’s just hope that Dave shelves his ego for this one …

Well, that’s it for this special update. Until tomorrow, remember to keep your eyes on the skies, your feet on the ground, your heart with the music … and I’ll see ya on the flip side!

Well, the revised lineup for the Led Zeppelin Reunion, slated for November 26th in London, has been announced. Contrary to buzz, Rolling Stone leadman Mick Jagger won’t be appearing onstage with the group. He says he’ll definitely be there if he’s in town, but (and this is a bit snide!) “They haven’t done anything on stage for 20 years together. I’m not going to interlope into their big night out.”

However, other acts have been included as “warm-ups” to the main event. They include:

• The Who’s Pete Townshend
• former Rolling Stones bassist Bill Wyman’s band, the Rhythm Kings
• Foreigner
• newcomer Paolo Nutini

Undoubtedly, it’s going to be a night to remember. The show is set to benefit the Ahmet Ertegun Education Fund (named after the Atlantic Records co-founder who died last year).

WRITE IT DOWN!

Man, if there’s one thing I hate (and every journalist can relate to this!), it’s coming up with an idea while on the road and either not having a pen, or having one that gives up the writing ghost!
Thank goodness there’s one place that’ll provide you with the best pens … and definitely the most dependable (my fave is the Mediterranean. Sleek … easy to handle … great write!). Not only does PensRUs provide the most efficient promotional pens available but they also have a fantastic array of other items as well! When I give you the link in a second, you’ll definitely be pleased when you see what they have to offer!
I mean, if you want anything on a quality, long-lasting pen (by some of the best-known manufacturers in the business), these folks will do it, and present you with the finest finished product you’d ever imagine! They provide you with custom quotes, have free samples, three ways to order, great turnaround time … really, just about everything you’d hope for from a place that is as friendly and service-oriented as your favorite hometown shop!
Believe me, you’ll be doing the “write” thing by going to their site and ordering your pens today! Just click that link now!

Well, that’s it for this edition. Until next time, remember: Keep your eyes on the skies, your feet on the ground, your heart with the music … and I’ll see ya on the flip side.

(snif!) This time, the (ahhhh — ahhhhh CHOOO!) Relic’s writin’ with a case of the flu … so please excuse the messiness on the monitor …
Actually, it seems that more people are gettin’ down with the bug today than at any other time in recent history. And, to quote Mike Nesmith, it’s a “stone drag”, believe me. I’ve tried just about everything to knock this sucker out, short of smoking it to death (incidentally, can someone tell me why some people think that cigarette smoking helps the stuffies, etc? I mean, why trade influenza for cancer?), and the best I get is “This med will knock it out! Just give it a week to 10 days!” (D-UH! don’t most?).
But there are some pointers I’ve learned (mostly by trial-and-error):

• First, do drink a lotta fluid (except milk and alcoholic beverages). The reason is they’ll not just replenish any fluids ya lose, but you’ll also be … er, “passing” more fluid and, ummmm … well, other stuff. And that’ll carry out some of the bug.
• Next, try to find some way to sweat part of it out, without working a lot. Again, it’s the same principle: The bug can’t live on your skin surface (it’d kick the bug-cket!), so you’re ridding more of it!
• Do not smoke or drink alcohol, since that’ll weaken your immune system.
• DO lay into the vitamins, especially the ACE combo (vits A, C and E). But just take them as daily supplements.
• Pop some Beatles, Monkees or other upbeat music into your CD player. Being positive and upbeat can help you beat the bug at its own game.
• Finally, Be Patient! Everybody’s either got or had this, it seems … you’ve probably even had it before … so ya know it’ll pass!

So, with those ideas (which I use every day until this rascal’s done), you could soon be kissing the bug good-bye!

PUTTING THE “REAL” IN “REAL ESTATE”

You know, the Relic’s been all over this U. S. of A. and has found thousands of beautiful towns, villages and cities — many just begging people to visit and permanently “hang their hats” in. But quite a few folks think it’ll cost ‘em the proverbial “arm-and-a-leg”, both in time and money! They think the realtors are just out for their commission, and don’t really care about the buyers’ needs.

But there’s one company that’ll give you the service and advice … and personal concern … that others won’t! Not only is GMAC the most trusted name in realty, but they’re also the most dependable! Whether you want a New Look in New York, something Lucky in Kentucky or want a Mansion in Missouri (or any of the other states and territories … even Canada!), they’re there for you! Their service is excellent, their customer satisfaction the highest, and their agents the most helpful of any in the biz!

So, if you’re looking for the best in real estate, click on that link right now! Soon, you’ll be relaxing in a beautiful and affordable new home that’s just right for you!

Well, that’s it for now! Until next time, remember: Keep your eyes on the skies, your feet on the ground, your heart with the music … and I’ll see ya on the flip side.

Years ago, the legendary country star, Bobby Bare, had a hit with the comfortable memory of Singin’ In The Kitchen. It reminded me of the last time my original group and I jammed.
Hy-Que‘d just reunited after twenty-some years, and wanted to see how we sounded. Did we still have what it took to draw a crowd? Did we still even have a melody? So, in 1989, we got together in the kitchen of my old house in Pineville, NC. While Bud set up his drumkit next to the table, John stood in the doorway with his bass, lead-guitarst Alex (a new guy, since — if you remember the story — Mike had lost his life in an accident some years earlier) positioned himself next to the back door (perhaps for quick escape?) … and Dennis and I were centerstage (er, kitchen floor) — me with my Strat rhythmmaker and Den with his signature tambourine.
First up was Roll Over, Beethoven, quickly followed by Leave My Troubles Behind. As we were fading that Steve Miller rocker, my sons came running in the front door.
“DAD!! DAD!!” I thought the next words would be: “THE DOGS ARE THROWING UP! THE CATS ARE HOWLING!! Puh-LEEZE!!!!” Instead, they told me there was a group of people around our front door! I went to check.
Yup. He was right. One hundred twenty fans were strewn all over Morrow Avenue, in front of the house, cheering us! So we moved our equipment outside, and, like the Beatles but without a rooftop, a film crew recording us and fame, had our last performance.

SPEAKING OF KITCHENS …

You know, a lot of people dig the idea of having a kitchen outside the house … and, believe me, nothing tastes better than eggs and bacon cooked outdoors! And the folks at Werever can give you the look you need for that special patio or backyard feed-factory! Their cabinets are made of marine-grade polymer, which means you don’t have to worry about the warping or rotting that most cabinets give ya when they’re out!
But they’re as lovely as they are durable! And you don’t have to break your bank account to get the best, either! Just click on the link I’ll give you in a moment, send them your ideas … and they’ll give you a custom design and no-obligation quote for your new outdoor kitchen.
By the way: All their beautiful cabinets are made in the U.S.A — and they’re proud of it! So click on that link now and get your new kitchen setup soon! The hamburgers are waitin’ !!

Y’know, while everybody is making a big thing about the national obesity issue, even more are wringing their hands and wondering “Gee … how CAN I lose these gosh-ugly POUNDS?!?” They try different diets, pills, doctors and exercises, often without the desired weight-loss.

So how can you exorcise the weight demon?? Man, we had a way back in the Fifties that not only took the pounds off, but was downright fun:
It was simply called “the hula hoop.”

Though this wonder actually had its start waaaaay back in early Egypt, it didn’t hit big until it was brought to England in the 15th Century. Of course, a lot of dislocated backs were blamed for the sensation as everyone, from paeans to kings, wanted to try it! Then, in the 1800’s (when British sailors visited Hawaii), they saw the similarity between “hooping” (as it was called) and hula dancing (thus, they returned with a name for this “hoop” thing: the hula hoop!). The phenomenon continued to grow and, in an attempt to cash in on the craze, an Australian company began making them for sale in retail stores in 1957.

And that brought it to the attention of Wham-0, a small California toy maker. Richard P. Knerr and Arthur K. Melin (two employees) decided to make them into plastic hoops of different and bright colors. These two guys promoted the products for months in 1958 on Southern California playgrounds where they would give away hoops to get the children to learn and play.
And that turned the HULA HOOP into the greatest fad the country has ever seen. Twenty-five million were sold in four months!

The cheerily-plastic, Wham-O! version of the Hula Hoop was introduced in 1958 … and made Knerr and Melin rich! Soon, it was touted as a great source of exercise, as long as people moderated their “hooping”.

Hey … with the recent “obesity” reports, wouldn’t now be a good time to bring it back? It certainly couldn’t hurt!!

SOMETIMES, YOU NEED THE HELP …

Now, not everybody can take the spin-cycle of hula-hoops. There are wonderful folks out there who have breathing problems — whether due to asthma, COPD or allergic reactions — and need the best nebulizer available to keep them going.
In that case, the best place to go is definitely the one with the best selection, price, efficiency and care … the people at Ultranebs! You’ll see the link in just a moment, but let me tell you a personal bit about them: One of my best friends had a child who was severely allergic to just about every type of dust particle, mold, mildew, spore, cat and smoke that God could make! She was fed up with the ones who’d been supplying his nebulizers; long waits for customer service, higher-than-expected prices, etc. So she went online to Ultranebs and purchased a superb portable oxygen concentrator for him … and was amazed at how much she saved … and the quality of product (did I mention the speed of its delivery? Okay … I just did!)
Besides their great selection (click the link and see!), you’ll also get a twenty-dollar rebate and a free AC adapter! On top of that, you get a two-week (14 day) Total Satisfaction Guarantee!!
So, if you or someone you know is in need of “air support”, please click on that link today! What better gift could you give someone than the ease of a normal life, huh??

Well, that’s it for this scene! Until tomorrow, remember: Keep your (huh? Yes, I said tomorrow! Y’see, I’m steppin’ up production!) Keep your eyes on the skies, your feet on the ground, your heart with the music … and I’ll see ya on the flip side!

It’s amazing what a little box with a bunch of cathodes, diodes, wiring and speakers could do for us rockers back-in-the-day, isn’t it??
Back in pre-Beatle America, the Superman of Variety, Ed Sullivan, used his televised program not only to intro us to the “person behind the voice” of Elvis, but also served to make youngsters curious. Why did Ed refuse to show Presley just from the waist up? They had to find out … and, of course, the result was controversy (parents vs. kids vs. morals).
Then, about eight years’ later, the same guy introduced America to The Fab Four. At the time of their first appearance on his show, not one major teen crime was reported in this country (I know … some places dispute that. However, note that I said “major”! Look it up …)!
Of course, we had our “commercials” back then — TV spots that wouldn’t make it today, such as a hairspray called Go Gay and a weight-reducing candy called Ayds. Certain 30-second spots would carry the new BritRock beat, and some went farther and used groups like the young Gary and the Hornets doing the Oscar Mayer commercial.
Then (though we already had a guy named Dick Clark) came a young, lively and funny guy they called Lloyd Thaxton. He put the music, the acts, teen dance and skits into his show to show us that rock-n-roll could be fun as well as good to hear. Other shows like Shindig!, Hullabaloo and local teen programming picked up the pace. Record sales started skyrocketing, more acts were getting more gigs, and, soon, rock became an indelible part of our life!
And to think … we saw it all unfolding on TV …

“AND NOW A WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR …”

Over the years, we’ve seen scads of products advertised on every channel that begins with a vowel or consonant. Many of them are top-quality, usable (and sometimes downright necessary) items that a viewer can get for less than what they’d pay at a department store. Of course, you’ve gotta pay those outrageous shipping and handling charges when you send your check or money order to them by snail-mail … and then comes the long waiting period of, generally, four to six weeks.
But now you can order them online, and at a bigger savings (and faster delivery!) than you’d seen on television! The folks at TV Products 4 Less provide the best of these items … and, one you buy them, you can be assured that your order will be totally secure! You can pay by Paypal&#8482 as well as other methods, which makes your purchase even safer — plus speeds up delivery.
So check out the amazing array of products as seen on tv, and get ready for some cool savings … and awesome items that you’ve wanted for a long time! Just click the link and get ready for the best shopping experience on the web, or otherwise!

Well, that’s all for this post. Until next time, remember: Keep your eyes on the skies, your feet on the ground, your heart with the music … and I’ll catch ya on the flip side!

In the realm of funk/rock, there’ve been hundreds of cool instrumental trax — and each one of them would carry the depth and drive the genre deserves.

But, for the Relic, the best of the bunch has to be the ultracool Popcorn by (who else?) Hot Butter (I knew that stuff would get its revenge someday!). An unusual spin on Percolator, an early hit by The Ventures, the song could actually take you from the first “pops” to the last (just prior to the “ding” of the microwave, I guess).

It was classic in another way: If you ever listen to classical music (yes, the Relic digs that, too!) — especially Respighi, Tchaikovsky or Rimsky-Korsikoff – you’ll hear similar tempo slides and changes used to paint a mental picture of the masterpiece being played. So, in a way, Popcorn’s more than a classic food taste, but a musical one as well!

In another sense, it was the first major “synthpop” song to make it onto the charts! First introduced in 1969 on a record called Music To Moog By by composer Gershon Kingsley, it was adopted by Stan Free and re-recorded by his band, Hot Butter, in 1972. So, once again, you have a classic … only, this time, introducing a new sound to the charts!

But, whether it’s the “real stuff” or some “musical fluff”, it’s guaranteed you won’t get enough … of Popcorn!

SPEAKING OF POPCORN … (the real thing)

Remember the old popcorn makers in theatre lobbies? You know — where you’d grab a hot-buttered box of small, medium or large and hope you’d make it back in before the action started?
Well, you can have one of your own now, thanks to Stargate Cinema! Imagine … you’re sittin’ in front of your home theater or wide-screen, savoring the aroma of that freshly-popped movie popcorn! Cool, huh? And get this: You can get one to suit your decor, because they come in antique, theater or even modern styles!
Believe me, it’s not just a purchase … it’s an actual investment! You’ll feel as good as you did back-in-the-day, when that famous popcorn aroma wafted through the mezzanine of your local movie house! And when your friends come over and find you have one of those popcorn machines, they’ll wanna visit again and again!
So for a fantastic furnishing find, just click on the link above (oh, yeah — here’s a “slight” hint: Christmas will be here shortly, and this would make a GREAT gift for a son, daughter … or anyone on your list!).
Do it now, okay??

Well, that’s it for this edition! Until next time, remember: Keep your eyes on the skies, your feet on the ground, your heart with the music … and I’ll see you on the flip side!

Man, if ever there was a hyperactive cat in the rock jungle, it’d have to be the legend … Ron Dante!
After taking up guitar as therapy when he broke his wrist while playing baseball as a kid, the man decided that music made him tick! So he perfected his playing, and got up with the Brill Building Bombers (ie, some of the best songwriters and session musicians/vocalists of the time).
It was with a couple of other vocalists from Brill that he recorded his first “hit”, a satire on Leader Of The Pack by the Shangri-Las. That recording (Leader of the Laundromat) landed them a spot on Dick Clark’s shows.
But he’s done a lot more than that, naturally. For example: Remember the old “McDonald’s” commercial on TV? Yep … it’s Dante’s voice you hear singing “You Deserve A Break Today” for McDonald’s. His voice was heard in spots for Coca Cola, American Airlines, Budweiser and dozens of other well-known products.
And it doesn’t end there: He went on to perform lead vocals for a cartoon-based group called The Archies (whose hit, Sugar, Sugar, was originally offered to The Monkees as a follow-up to I’m A Believer). The song went #1, and he was ecstatic.
Then he decided to record some tracks separate from his cartooned character. When Tracy was released, the radio stations loved it! The only problem was that they announced the record as being recorded by The Cuff Links. The release was soon followed by another, When Julie Comes Around. Ron didn’t mind the Cuff Link name, because, since he sang every vocal part and played guitar, he was the Cuff Links!
After spending a few years as Barry Manilow’s record producer, he’s also produced Tony-award-winning play Ain’t Misbehavin’.
Today, he’s still actively performing … one of the real “Renaissance Men” of rock-and-roll …

SPEAKING OF CUFF LINKS …

When you think of cuff links, you think fancy, goin-to-the-prom or groom/best-man. But did you know that more and more guys are using those little wonders these days (Relic included!)?
If anything, they make your attire stand out as being “refined” — and that’s a plus in the business world … or anywhere! And they’re really sharp-looking for “special” occasions, like “When Julie (or whoever) Comes Around”.
To look your best with these, you go to the best, right? And that’s to the one place that provides the finest cufflinks available. Whether you’re a groom or best man, going to that special school dance, have a lady you’re wanting to impress, or just want to look at the top of your game, the folks at Cuff Daddy (don’t you love the name?) will set you up with the ones that’ll make you stand out handsomely and with impact! So click on that link now, and get ready to really shine!

And that’s it for this edition. Until next time, remember: Keep your eyes on the skies, your feet on the ground, your heart with the music … and I’ll see ya on the flip side …